Love in Two Parts

I am in a relationship. It’s exciting and scary to admit that I love him. However, this isn’t a piece about why I love him.

I will admit that I do not have the best track record when it comes to romantic relationships and/or love. So with him, as I am loving him, it has also been this parallel experience of learning about love, about loving him, loving others, and loving myself.

What I’ve learned about love, at least in the role that it plays in my life, is that is a two-part notion. We often discuss love as this feeling, this emotion. But in my relationship, I am learning that love is also a decision.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.1 Corinthians 13:4-7

But love isn’t just patient. It is the decision to be patient; the decision to be kind. I love him. I also make the decision to love him. Because it is a decision that I have made I can admit that it isn’t always easy, but I’m learning that it isn’t supposed to be. In loving him, I’m learning how to love myself better. It’s funny how life turns out.

Through my experience of love, I’ve learned that I view love as a two-part notion of emotion and decision. With this I’ve learned to love both my partner and myself better. What’s your love story?


Unconditional Love

Recently, a friend of mine from college came out to her friends and family as gay. While this conversation can be hard for anyone, I know that it was extremely hard for her because of her relationship with God and her strong Christian faith.

For the purpose of not identifying her, I am going to call this friend Sis. On my Venus Black page I talk about the family of poets that I have. This is how I met Sis. This is how we became friends and how we then became sisters.

Sis loved us all regardless. That’s hard for most people to do. We all were and still are a group of misfits. Here Sis was, the truest and loyal Christian I knew, and she loved the weed head, the sex addict, the hip-hop muse, the nerd, the songstress, the most cursing of all sailors, and yet she loved us all unconditionally.

I’ve always known that Sis’ love for us ran strong, deep, unconditionally, and unwavering. However, I never actually thought about her love, what it meant, or what it could do.

When Sis told us about her sexuality, she also made it clear that some may not accept her for it. For those who did not she gave her permission for them to distance themselves from her. But if all they needed was time, they are always welcomed back into her life later. I was completely in awe of this. Here was this woman telling us something so important about her life, her identity. This moment should be all about her. Yet, she still found a way to say ‘It’s okay if you don’t accept me. I still love you anyways.’

Sis’ love makes me so emotional. I’m literally crying as I write this. Not too many people give the type of love that Sis offers. As a matter of fact, she’s the only person I can think of, besides God that is. I don’t know if we deserve her type of love. I don’t even know if our love for her is enough for what she deserves.

Can you imagine what life would be like if we all loved each other the way Sis does? You may not know Sis, but I hope that after reading this you like me will now try to replicate the love that she has for her friends and family.

Dear Sis,

Thank you for teaching me about love. I hope that I can learn to give others love the way you give yours to me.

Love always and forever,

Your Sister Venus